Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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