She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Randomize
