can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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