This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
