i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
