not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Randomize
