True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
