your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
