McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
