seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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