I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
smell my finger.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
