Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
