you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
