As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
