Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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