I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
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