I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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