Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Randomize