My friends, they love my intelligence
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
