she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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