It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
