In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i used baking grease as lip gloss
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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