i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
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Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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