Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
