but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
