They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
