Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
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then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
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Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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