Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
