drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
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You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
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I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
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