my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
