I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
there is another microwave in the elevator.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
