No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
