Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
