Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
