my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
