Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
