??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Non-Jews are for practice
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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