hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
