I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize