Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
