hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
We left an ass print on the piano.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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