I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Randomize
