sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
