I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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