well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
