im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
