Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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