She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
