Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
