So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
