Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Welp...herpes.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
