I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize