Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize
