we were pretty classy up until the second keg
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
