It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
