That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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