I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
