she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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