i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
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