you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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