your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
