Kareoke will never be a sober sport
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize
