Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
