kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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