I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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