So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
