Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
