I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
