I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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