i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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