it wasn't lemon gatorade
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
