living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
