you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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